I’ll be honest: you won’t see many pictures of brides having makeup delicately applied, detail shots of bouquets or elaborate tablescapes, or beautiful gowns hanging in windows here. Sure, I take these photos at every wedding, of course, but in the decade I’ve been doing this, I’ve realized what’s far more important. What you will see instead are tears of happiness and of grief, group hugs, fiercely clutched hands, slightly drunk dancing, and smiles so big the stars would blush. You’ll see perfectly imperfect images, mothers giving their sons away, surprise rainbow cake, hysterical laughter, couples that said ‘YES’ to everything I proposed and ran with it, and truly resilient, radiant love. You’ll see a bit of the places I was fortunate enough to photograph, from the breathtaking to the straight up weird to the yeah-it’s-probably-haunted, and of course, the dogs. Reviewing these photos in this season of introspection, my heart is bursting for my beautiful couples – not just with love and adoration, but with tremendous pride. Not that that needs much explanation, but allow me to elaborate anyway.
A running thread from last season was the shared vein of loss. This year, it was affirmation – the affirmation of our gender, the same-sex people we fall in love with, the legacy of our culture, our identities – that was the pulsing undercurrent. Roughly 80% of my couples this year were queer couples from all over the world. It absolutely devastated me how many of my couples confessed after their engagement sessions how validated and affirmed they felt after facing so much scrutiny, not just from the culture we live in, but often from their own family and loved ones. Their ability to be free, vulnerable, and openly in love in front of a camera helped them feel validated in ways they hadn’t before. I had couples this year whose families didn’t even come to their wedding (but their chosen family showed up in full force). I had couples struggle with vendors and bookings due to being trans or non-binary. The worst part is, none of this is uncommon.
My couples, however, let absolutely none of this stop them. They loved openly and fully. They ensured their DJs/MCs used gender neutral language, carefully crafted safe spaces for their friends who were not yet able to be safely out, and wore their identities without an ounce of shame or fear. So, I’m proud of them for queering weddings in any way they saw fit. I’m proud of them for paving the way and creating radical, inclusive new traditions. I’m proud of them for showing up wholly and fully, even when it hurts. I’m proud of their pride and their love. Their joy was unstoppable, and they lived in it like there was no tomorrow. And watching their love unfold behind my camera made me, a queer individual, feel more validated in ways I never have. For that, I am grateful beyond all measure.
Behind the scenes, I was going through a season of change. Outside of weddings, the busiest part of my wedding season happened to be the hardest time of my personal life. We moved back to the city that owns my heart – Detroit – and had to do so when our lease was up.. at the end of September (any wedding photographers reading this are cringing right now; September / October = busy busy busy). On the last Saturday of September, I left in the morning to shoot a wedding, and that night I came home to an empty apartment, fully packed up and barren; just my husband and our dog, and the couch we were going to sleep on and throw away in the morning. The next morning, we piled into the car and left Chicago behind – 10 years to the day that we’d moved there. Things only got more difficult as the fall progressed; in November, my father had a heart attack, which sent me urgently to Tennessee (he’s doing alright now). Within the span of 10 days, I set foot in 7 different states all over the country. I put nearly 5,000 miles on my car in less than 3 months. We’re still not even fully unpacked or comfortably moved in, and it’s nearly 2019.
Despite it all, I wouldn’t have changed anything about this wedding season. The love I witnessed was able to propel me through my life’s uncertainties, heartbreaks, losses, debilitating fears. It gave me purpose and validation when I desperately needed it. I witnessed dear photographer friends crush their goals and kick total ass. It wasn’t all pretty, but I wouldn’t have traded in a damn thing – even the heat rash, the dozens of mosquito bites, the lonely hotel nights, the tire issues, navigating the towns so remote there was no cell service to be found. Every mistake and learning opportunity came when I needed it. And once again, my couples this year are now my lifelong friends moving forward, people who touched my life in ways they could never comprehend. My 2019 season is looking to be more of the same, and I’m feeling more ready than ever to tackle it the best I can. And that’s pretty huge for me.
Thank you to my couples. For your bravery, your vulnerability, your resilient love, and for your trust in me. You affirm me in ways I could never express. In no particular order, here is a brief snippet of 2018, a small fraction of images that made me feel in a hard-fought year. This is my why.
